One last song dedicated to you.
From here onwards, i'll let everything go.
I realized, you're not meant for me.
For what is worth it, I had a wonderful 3 months of knowing you.
Thank you & Goodbye.

TO MUHD IZKANDAR SHAH.

This post ain't about all the lies that you've told.
Ain't about the girl you're with now.
Ain't about the heartaches that I'm facing.

It's about what we've been through, even though its only a short period of time.
It's about the things I didn't get the chance to tell you.
This is just the first post. It's about our first date. Continue reading cause you might find somethings you don't know..
When I first knew you, I said to myself, "Oh okay, just another guy I have fun talking to."
"He's a Liverpool fan, plus he's kinda hot."
Then I found myself hoping you'll be online the next day and you are. I was really happy.
And then things get better, we talked alot and get to know each other better.
We text now and then.. And I have to admit, every text that I received, I was hoping it was from you. You literally made me blush cause you remembered every single detail bout me. I was surprised that you even remembered the smallest things that I said. I can't even remember..
We talked on the phone.. Webcam for awhile and stuff.
And then, we went on our first date. I was so freaking nervous. And when you said you've arrived, I swear to god I had butterflies in my stomach. My hands were shaking.
When I saw you outside the lift, I said to myself " Okay, he's C.U.T.E "
I noticed you were looking at me when i was smoking and when I asked, "Asal you tgk i mcm tu?
You quickly took your car floor mat and clean it to hide away your embarassment.
One thing I didn't tell you, you made me fall for you.. HARD.
So yeah. after finished smoking, we made our way to Plaza Singapura. On the way there, you opened my favourite songs. I was kinda impressed that you took the effort to burn it in a cd.
And its the very first time ever, I look at someone and lost in his eyes.. SERIOUSLY.
While you were driving, i asked myself so many questions. "When is he gonna kiss me? Can i hold his hand while he's driving? Is this gonna be a great day?"
When we reached Plaza Sing, i remembered you hold my hand. And the first thing that came to my mind, is one of the things you told me bout urself, SWEATY PALMS. Haha..
But I did not care at all.. In fact, I was waiting for you to hold my hand. You hugged me when we're on the escalator. My heart was already melting.. OMG. We walked here and there looking for Pizza Hut. Mcm slenger gitu.. Haha. Found the place, sat down and ordered. Again, you stared at me and I kept looking away. Never in my life, a guy stared at me like that..
Haha.. We were acting like fools.. Both of us were damn hungry. You couldnt finish your food..
And I was like, okay.. I feel like Im a pig. Cause i took your meatball. LOL.
So yeah, after that.. went smoking. Already I feel like we're a couple.. I dont know why. Went I smoke, i try to stand a distance from you. Cause you keep coming close to me. =)
I think after that we were walking back to the carpark, I asked you, "You, skarang kita nie ape". And you said.. We're together now. Just like that eh you? Hahaha..
We went Toa Payoh and...... we got lost. We were looking for directions in the street directory book and that's damn funny. You turn here and there, keep going the same way and finally.. we found our way. Dah sampai.. haha. There's one part I noticed someone called you on your company phone and walk a distance from me to pick it up. I was very suspicious but I just said to myself that's your workmate cause I don't want my attitude to spoil our date.
So I went to Hello Kitty shop. I went crazy.. Bla bla bla. We bought drinks and to my surprise.. you were like, "Nak minom tak? Amek uh.." And in my mind, " Dek nie biar btol sak..". Lol.. It was Heineken i think. I felt like a total bitch. Seriously!! What I love most is that you hugged my from behind and kissed me. So after that, we went back to Woodlands and decided to park the car at the carpart near my blk. Both of us just chill inside and have our own privacy. I swear I was so scared when someone parked beside us and he saw us inside. Luckily he didn't knock on the door or something.. Haha. It was so funny. After two hours or so, you sent me to my blk. I was reluctant to go home but I have to.. When I reached home, I was afraid you wouldn't text me but you did. I was damn damn happy.. My dad nagged at me but I didn't care at all. I just said to myself, I don't matter cause I got you.

You might or you might not read this. I just have to try my luck. This is just the beginning. I have more posts for you.. You might say to yourself, "Stupid girl, I didn't even loved you from the start". Or, "Whatever, I'm much more happier with my girl now. Or, "I've done this so many times, I dont care anymore..". Whatever you might be saying Iz, you know I meant every single word I said to you. Pls keep visiting my blog as I have so much more to say.. Since I didn't get the chance to say it to your face.

I need you like a heart needs a beat.

Goodbye my dear.
The moment you've been waiting for has finally arrived although I never thought it would come.
All these while, I've been deceived. Love has blinded me.
Love? What's love? Fuck that.
I don't need love. All it ever done to me is let me down.
The pain is still there and i'm on my way to recovery.
And one day, i'm able to forget bout you.
I shall not elaborate much longer.
I've finally found someone to dedicate this song to. And it is dedicated to you, Muhd Izkandar Shah.
When we met, my heart says no more. You're the last. No one else after this.
And now, I know why I said it. After what happened, i'm never gonna let anyone in.
This door has closed and I'm keeping away the key.
You showed me how painful love can be. How is it to love someone with all your heart, and in the end you gave your footprints all over it.
Thank you.
Thank you for the happy moments we shared, the times you made me smile and laughed. Thank you for showing me what it's like to be loved and taken care of.
Thank you for your effort to please me.
Thank you for making me a stronger woman that I never knew I was.
You're much appreciated.
There's so much more to say to you but let's just end here.
I wish you all happiness and health with her.
Whatever past experience you had last time that made you this numb, don't make it as an excuse to hurt the innocent. Take it as a lesson.
A person who realized what she/he has done wrong, will learn from it and ends up being a stronger, wiser person.
Your eyes will open one day. Insyallah..
If we ever cross path in the future, even for a minute.. I hope to see you as a better man.
Amin.

i'm starting over taking.. 1, 2, babysteps.

So fast you ran away, I didn't even get to see you.
You left me a note.
Yes, I was planning something. Something I've never done before..
But as time goes by, I don't wanna do it.
I wanted to express myself instead.
I wanted to express all the pain out to you.. Why? Cause I dont wanna live with this pain anymore.
Since everything falls apart, you broke your last promise to me...............